Okay so I haven't been updating my blog at all. I'm not like Andrhea, who updates five, six... (twenty?) times every day (damn you!!). I'm going to update right now, take that.

Here are the top two things that happened to me in the last month that I didn't blog about.

1) Crazy girl kissed me at Pepper concert.

Okay, so the title of this one gives a lot away. I was at a New Years Eve concert in Hawaii with my little brother, and as soon as we secured our spot right infront of the stage (centered too), we noticed a huge group of insane over excited teenage girls jumping all over each other and shouting for no reason. My brother asked me if they were drinking redbull, or drunk, or what, and I told him they probably were just being girls. I thought I was right, until one of them said "YOU KNOW WHATS GREAT!!? REDBULL AND VODKA!!!" Okay, score one for Lionel.

Crazy screaming drunken teenage girls on redbull actually weren't to blame. They kept feeling my brothers hair and one of them hugged him, but other than that they were staying out of our business. Plus, I had my brother between me and them so I was safe. The culprit was some glittery girl on ecstacy who showed up midway through the concert. As crazy as she seemed, I didn't expect it. She was dancing around and kept 'bumping' into me. Maybe the word 'goring' would be more accurate. Anyway, I made the mistake of saying hello to her (hoping maybe if she noticed I was there she'd stop assaulting me) and was taken completely aback when she lunged forward and kissed me square on the lips. I pushed her back and said "DONT DO THAT! I have a girlfriend!!" ... "It's okay! I have a husband!!!" I wasn't sure how that made anything better but it at least made me think. "Where's your husband?" I shouted. She shouted back over the noise of the concert "He's in Afghanistan!!" ... Poor guy. The lesson here is people on drugs are obnoxious (especially ecstacy), I think maybe in the 60s everyone was like that. She also bit my brother on the shoulder before she left. He thought she was some kind of  zombie, and he'd turn into a glittery whore in a couple hours. He was right.

2) Laundering my cell phone.
Yep, I put my cell phone in the washer (AND dryer). I don't know how it happened, but I was really tired, and I didn't feel like investigating the terrible KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK sound the washer and dryer were making.

Amazingly, my cellphone turned on a few days ago (after I let it dry out for a week). Apparently it's perfectly acceptable to put your cellphone through the washer, just let it dry out before you turn it back on.

This entry ends here because when they get too long, people complain.

Fin.

I just watched my super extended continents-are-formed-while-you're-watching-it Special Edition Lord of The Rings: Return of the King DVD, and it left me with something that I need to write about. I understand most of my blog readers have painfully slow internet connections so I won't try to play a video clip or anything. I'll re-create the scene using paint (always a good idea).







I think the images speaks for themselves. Only this movie was brave enough to take on the opressive stereotype: "women can't slay mighty lords of the undead". Now I like these movies, but that scene was just stupid. Even the Oliphant (upper left) is pissed off about the scenes blatant feminist agenda.

I'll write an update soon about all the things happening in my life, but this was more important.

The flight to Hawaii wasn't so bad; I was even able to select my seat online before my flight.



Although modern technology allows you to select your seat online, it doesn't tell you if that seat is next to a really hot chick or someone suffering from Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome. I lucked out and sat next to a really hot chick who was also suffering from SARS (double bonus). The in-flight movie was Shark Tale which I'm pretty sure blew, but I didn't have headphones and watched the whole movie without sound (one day I'll have accumulated enough wealth to afford the $3 airplane headphones).

I had Christmas in Hawaii which was a little weird since it was 80 degrees and sunny outside, but I managed. Hawaii has a lot of things to offer that Washington doesn't. My parents' condo is on the 17th floor across the street from another tall building. The cool thing (or uncool thing) about that is you can see in the windows of the neighboring apartments, and those neighbors are dancing transvestites. Hello binoculars! I only really saw them dance twice because I was busy doing other things (okay so maybe I spent the entire trip watching the neighbors), but when I did see them dance it was worth it. I also saw some kinda old guy baking naked (you know, with an oven and no clothes), which would have been a lot worse if the railing hadn't blocked out important areas. The transvestite thing was cool from far away but I had mixed feelings about it when one of them hit on me while I was walking back from the beach. It was either one of the transvestites or a very tall muscular woman who said "helloooo.." from across the street, I'm pretty sure it was the former.

The trip back was a nightmare. Traffic was bad so I showed up at the Honolulu Air Port with barely enough time to catch my plane. The line through customs was ridiculous because they also check for agriculture (they have to check for bombs and lettuce). Once that was over, I made the terrible mistake of getting on the escalator down to baggage claim, and couldn't get back. After going through the one way doors, and trying to sneak past a security guard I was severely scolded and sent back to the security checkpoint. This one was smaller and had a slightly smaller line. Unfortunately once I got to the front I found out why the line was smaller. They don't check for agriculture, so only people going to other parts of Hawaii got through that check point. I was sent back to the one I already went through, which still had a massive line. At this point I only had about 10 minutes to get to my plane.

I got the security people to rush me to the front of the line, and was cheered on by fellow airline travelers as I scrambled to put my shoes back on (They made me take them off because I could be smuggling agriculture in there).

Once I got passed security for the second (or was it third?) time, I ran straight for 'my gate'. My ticket said "15G" in big letters, so of course that had to be my gate. Lucky for me gate 15 was on the opposite side of the airport, and I got a good workout. Unfortunately, once I got to gate 15 no one was there, I looked at the little screen for arrivals and my plane was assigned to GATE 12. Hey, 12 is near 15 no worries, right? WRONG. Apparently gate 12 is on the opposite side of the airport. By that point I was extremely tired from running with two bags (I don't trust the airline with my bags so I carry them on the flight). I half ran, half stumbled, back across the airport to Gate 12. After a couple more wrong turns and some mild to major panic, I found gate 12 and slipped onto the plane as the last passengers were boarding.

By the time I sat down I was drenched in sweat, and everyone thought I was suffering from drug withdrawal, but I made it. I also learned once I got on the plane that 15G was my seat number. Smooth.

I just found out a couple days ago that I'll be flying to Hawaii Thursday morning. This probably means no blog entries because I'll be busy surfing or whatever the hell people do when it isn't 40 degrees and pouring rain outside. I'll be back in The Emerald City January 2nd.

Ciao.

Everyone needs to buy this book. Basically it's the funniest book ever written, ever. It's laid out like a high school textbook, and hopefully will become a textbook in schools across america very soon. Here are a few excerpts:

Yesterday when I got to work there was a stocking hung on my cubicle with care. I wasn't sure whether to be happy that I got a stocking (with candy in it, too) or be pissed that it didn't have my name embroidered on it (like the employees who have been there a few years). I decided to be pissed.

Apparently every year my company has a christmas party. I invited my girlfriend but her parents wouldn't let her go because they're nazis, or maybe they just don't like office parties (NAZIS!). The cool thing about having an office party (aside from getting to enter a lottery for sweet loot like I-Pods a personal computer and a bunch of other stuff I didn't win), someone even won $400 cash and a weeks paid vacation (DAMN YOU SERGIO!!!). Is getting to meet Santa.

My favorite part was when Santa rode in on his Harley.


When I say 'Santa' I mean the President of the company in a Santa suit (he really did ride in on a Harley). Apparently it's a holiday tradition. After making a few male coworkers sit on his lap (further establishing that we're all his bitches) he drew names out of boxes and I watched as my coworkers got all kinds of cool stuff and I won nothing (Which is okay, because at least I was being paid to stand there and not win anything.)

The coolest part of it was I got to meet some people who work in other departments, including a few game designers. After meeting them I came to one conclusion. All game designers are extremely hip.

Co-Creator of Unreal, Cliffy B. is a perfect example:

Not only is his name "Cliffy B." which is cool enough already, but he has enough bling to make Mr. T. run crying to his mamma (something T. doesn't do very often). The Designers I met at the office party were no different. I learned a very important lesson: You can't create good games without earrings, funny facial hair, and a whole lot of bling. God bless office parties.

They're re-airing Lost on ABC to hook more people on the show before it ends. Let me just say, I love this show. Yeah yeah it's fun to speculate about what the monster might be, but that's not why it's a good show.

This is why it's a good show:


That's right, her name is Evangeline Lilly she's an unknown actress but there is one thing that is known. SHE FINE!

My brother and I discussed this in great detail...
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Me: Lost is pretty cool. I don't know what the monster is, I guess we'll find out at the end of the season.
Lionel: The shows a hit, baby. DERE IS NO END!!!!!!
Me: You don't understand they'll run out of characters, they keep killing them.
Lionel: THPOILER ALERT
Lionel: I hope they don't kill off the convict.
Lionel: SHE FINE
Me: SHE FINE
Lionel: SHE FINE
Me: I think I know why the hot girl is a convict though.
Lionel: SHES GUILTY
Lionel: OF BEING FINE!!!!!
Lionel: YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN FINE
Me: ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE TOTALLY FINE
Me: Maybe Kate can get you the lost lady's number.
Lionel: Yeah.
Lionel: YOU FINE!!!!!!!!@
Me: YOU FINE
Lionel: Click.
Me: Yeah that sounds like it needs to be a three way call.
Lionel: We can say YOU FINE in unison.
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I also made a really interesting discovery the other day. CARS ARE FUCKING EXPENSIVE! I was driving to the gym in the pouring rain when my windshield wipers magically stopped working. While I was trying to figure out if there was a problem or if my car was just taking intermittent wipers to a whole new level, I rear ended the car infront of me. The car infront of me wasn't really damaged but it cost me $350 just to fix my stupid car's wipers.

I hate cars.

Update: My car accident was on December 10th, the same day as Lindsey's. I'm this close to playing twilight zone music on my blog.

I was going to write the longest blog entry ever, but then I also realized it'd be the most boring entry ever and abandoned it. I had an action packed week, I managed to complete finals, attend two concerts, and get in a minor car accident all in the last five days (I also did laundry).

Deck The Hall Ball was pretty sweet. After I got off work at 2:00 I headed straight for the Key Arena. Once I found parking ($8.00, which I guess is a small price to pay for a garage that doesn't lock your car in at night), I found Lindsey and posse waiting in line. We had gotten the bright idea to stand in line hours before the doors opened so we could get right up front, a great idea  in theory but was a little less great when it started pouring rain and the lady standing next to me had an umbrella channeling a small waterfall onto my head. I should have probably expected an uncomfortable wait in line after the drive to the concert.



Freezing our asses paid off big time because after the stampede (or 'manpede') towards the stage, we secured a spot up front. The concert was awesome, the highlight of the show for me was The Killers, as predicted. But Franz Ferdinand weren't bad either. Not only was this show awesome, but it was filled with ambiguously gay performances. The apex being Keane. Why? Because Lindsey and I both want to do the pianist (pictured below).



This guy didn't really play the piano, he just flipped out. He threw his head all over the place, spit flew everywhere (it almost seemed like the piano was assaulting him while he played it), his legs kicked, his back hunched, he threw his head up and down, we were almost sure he was going to smash his piano at the end of the show, but instead he threw a towel with his "Man Juice" on it into the crowd (Lindsey still craves that towel).

Also, the guys from Franz Ferdinand made eye contact a little too long.

I was just surfing ebay and I found this. Score.

It's also worth noting that one of the guys who wrote the song on my blog has his own awesome blog. I might post more links throughout the week but no real updates until the weekend. I also found this to be amusing.

I was standing in line to get some Spicy Chicken Teriyaki the other day and some guy was sitting at a table near me talking to his friend. He looked like he was about 6'2, he had a short beard, a beanie, and looked like he'd shoved his fair share of nerds into lockers when he was in high school. The thing that caught my attention was his conversation, "yeah, I hear there's a new version where you get a hard drive that you can download like 30 games onto", then he went on to say something about MSN Messenger like it was perfectly natural.